Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Path to Bald

I like to plan things. Vacations and Ella's birthday parties to be specific, but everything else as well.  I'm done trying to anticipate what Monday will be like.  Chemo affects everyone differently, the doses are different and there are many different variables.  I am praying to be symptom free, but I am planning for the worst.  So I am working on a list of things that I would like to get done before chemo starts, just in case I run into worse case scenario. 
Up until now it has been up in the air as to whether or not I would be able to travel to Phoenix for Rick's brother's wedding in two weeks.  We purchased our airline tickets in December, but as my chemo schedule started to form, we quickly saw that the trip we currently had planned would not work with chemo.  My oncologist is willing to move the start of my second round of chemo back two days and the airline allowed us to completely rebook the trip so I will get to go to the wedding with the best man and flower girl.  Still, as we look at the dates that we will be in hot, hot, Phoenix (there is a reason that I love living in Minnesota, and it is not the summer!) next to the dates of the my chemo, we realized those dates match up perfectly.  I have been told that between days 14-21 of chemo is when I will start to notice hair loss.  I've also been told that because of the chemo I am being given, it's closer to days 10-14.  Regardless of which one is correct, we will be in Arizona when I lose my hair.  So I just want to be prepared as much as I can before we leave, before chemo starts. 
Yesterday I took another step in the path to baldness.  In the safety and comfort of an in home hair salon, with a dear friend sitting nearby, I got my hair cut.  The stylist called it seven inches.  I call it wig length.  Pantene calls it enough to donate.  Jill calls it cute.  Ella cried. I feel so much lighter and so much in control of how I respond to what is coming.  I'm ready for chemo and ready for bald.



Thursday, March 28, 2013

I Am Drain Free!

Yesterday was a big day! It started out with Chemo class. Since I am such a big googler and reader, most of what I had heard was review. But I did learn some new things. When they say chemo causes hair loss, they mean chemo causes hair loss. That even mean nose hairs! I'm a little tickled by that one. And without those filtering nose hairs, my nose will run. So if you see me with Kleenex shoved up my nose, there will be no need to wonder why! We got a better feel for exactly when I can expect clumps of hair to start falling and I feel better knowing the when and being able to prepare for it. Healtheast Cancer Care, the clinic I will be going to, has so many resources available to help with the side effects and over all comfort while going through chemo. I'm especially looking forward to acupuncture.

I met with Dr. Kadkhodayan next. She is pleased with how I am healing and promptly took out the drains. I am drain free! So far, those drains have been the worst part of the journey. I'm slathering the drain holes with Neosporin and praying they close up before Monday. When I go in on Monday and Dr. Shanks feels I've healed enough as well, we will start chemo! Yay! Bummer. I'm not sure how I feel about that. The quicker we start, the sooner we finish. The quicker my hair falls out, the sooner it grows back. Before she left the exam room, Dr. Kadkhodayan made it a point to remind me to just live my life. Not to worry about the side effects, don't expect them or wait for them. Great advice. I'm informed and educated and prepared, but I'm also praying for no side effects! I'm not looking forward to starting chemo. I've been through enough. My family has been through enough. Chemo makes it so official. So public.

After that appointment we stopped for lunch at DQ. I love the toast that comes with the chicken tender basket. I don't eat chicken tenders at any other restaurant. Something about that toast screams comfort food. It's like courage in the form of carbohydrates. Just what I needed for our last stop of the day. A wig shop. Yes, I remember a month ago I said I would not wear a wig. But then I remembered that I have a precious six-year old daughter and that kids can be cruel. I don't want her to be "that kid with the bald mom." So, after three hours of trying on wigs and doing the math for exactly how long I'll need to wear a wig. We bought a wig. I wanted to go red, but opted for something more in line with my natural color. Jan, the owner of the wig shop is a breast cancer survivor. She understands how I can be completely fine with a bilateral mastectomy, but scared to death to lose my hair. She understands that I'm not scared for what people will think of me or the prolonged glances. It's the pity that's not wanted. The "aww, poor thing" is not wanted. I really like my hair, but it holds no part of my identity. I will be sad to see it go. I'm not worried though. My cousin, Laura, has been praying that I will have a pretty bald head. See, my friends and family have got my back!
Ella was brushing my hair and practicing her braiding last night. I have always loved having my hair played with. In college, going to Bible study was one of the highlights of my week, those girls liked to play with my hair! Ella had no idea what a gift that 20 minutes was to me! She knows that the little bald headed kids on the St. Jude hospital commercials have cancer, but we haven't told her yet that mommy has cancer. No mom should have to tell her child that. She knows that mommy is sick and the symbol for that sickness is a pink ribbon. After Easter we will fill her in and I'll let her play with my wig. She's smart and resilient and will handle it far better than I will. She's probably already put it all together, I did see her reading a breast cancer book the other night. She is Rick's daughter so I'm sure there will be a witty comment or two. Maybe she won't mind having a bald mom. Looking on the bright side, I won't have to shave my legs all summer! I'll save money on cut and color appointments and shampoo and conditioner. It won't take long to get ready in the morning. I'm starting to think that the good outweighs the bad. It might not be so bad after all!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Chemo: Ready or Not, Here I Go

Last Friday I spent much of the day at the hospital with the CT and the MUGA scans and running into issues with my horrible veins. We got the results today. The CT scan didn't show any signs of cancer lurking anywhere else. Praise The Lord! The MUGA scan showed that my heart is strong and healthy and ready for chemo. Thank you, Jesus.

Today I spent some time with my oncologist, Dr. Shanks. He answered some more questions, cleared up the lymph node pathology report and laid out my chemo treatment plan. Turns out 15 nodes were removed, two of them were sentinel and the other thirteen were axillary. Out of those 15, seven had cancer cells in them and the rest were clear. Because of the number of nodes that were positive for cancer, radiation will be also be required after chemo.

Dr. Shanks laid out a tentative chemo schedule. If the last two drains aren't able to come out on Wednesday like we are hoping, or the drain holes or incisions aren't healed as much as they would like, things could be pushed back a few weeks. During chemo, if I ever go in and my white blood cell count isn't high enough, that will push things back a week. But this is the general idea:

Chemo with Adriamycin and Cytoxan: Eight weeks, chemo every other week for a total of four treatments, with a Neulasta injection the day following each treatment
Chemo with Taxol and Herceptin: Once a week for twelve weeks.
Radiation: Five days a week for six weeks with Herceptin every third week

After Radiation I will continue with Herceptin every third week for roughly another 40 weeks. (No, that was not a typo.). The Herceptin targets the aggressive HER-2 marker on my cancer. Somewhere in there I will start Tamoxifen which is a hormone therapy. That targets the Estrogen Receptive marker. And somewhere in there, hopefully, we will switch out the current expanders for my semi-permanent silicone bionic breasts. Hopefully.

So that's what I'll be doing for the next year. What will you be doing? I can't imagine it will be more fun than what I'll be doing!

My newest prayer requests are for the drains to removed on Wednesday, the drain holes to heal quickly and the surgical sites to be healed well enough to start chemo on April 1. Not kidding!

Friday, March 22, 2013

Survivors

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I could not think of one person that I knew that has had breast cancer.  I knew of people, 3 to be exact, through people who knew someone that had breast cancer.  While that still remains true, people that have had it or people that are close to someone who had battled it are coming forward.  And what a blessing that has been. 

My friend, Kristen, walked this road very closely with her sister not that long ago.  She has been a resource that I can go to and ask those questions.  Their mom, Nancy, is also a survivor.  She also happens to have been my principal when I was teaching!  Small world, huh?  They know what my family and me are going through and are now praying us through and being a blessing to us. Thank you Wetsel family!

A co-worker and close friend of my sister Jamie supported her mom through her battle with breast cancer.  She sent home a bag of goodies for me, and one of the items in that bag with this:

 
This was something that Jo had in her home throughout her mom's diagnosis and treatment.  She passed it along to me! Thanks Jo!
 
Rachael's mom passed along bookmarks with words that encouraged her during her journey, and now they can encourage me.  And the Satin Lips will be a life saver for my chemo parched lips! Thanks Rachael and Rachael's mom
 
And Erik, while he didn't have breast cancer, he knows my dreaded future with Adriamycin and the side effects.  So I am set when the smells around me that I've never noticed all of a sudden bother me to no end! Thanks Erik.
 
My friend Andi's friend is a survivor.  They're going to teach me and my family and friends how the Susan G. Komen 3 day is done, how to encourage the walkers this year and hopefully being a walker next year.  Andi has also been pro-active in thinking about my soon to be bald head.  Rick was sad that he didn't get a matching one! Thanks Andi!
 
 
 A fellow New Life alumni mom won her own battle against breast cancer and sent a basket full of blessings from someone who has been there, done that.  Thanks, Beth!
 
 
 
All of these gifts are greatly appreciated and are encouraging to me to see all the people that have been on this same journey.  And they are all survivors.

I Have an Oncology Team

On Monday I gathered up all my questions, put on my bravest face, a button up shirt (my range of motion forbids me to wear anything else) and went to Woodwinds to meet my oncology team. For three hours.  I never, ever would have thought I'd have an oncology team.  I still am having a difficult time fully grasping the fact that I have cancer.  Slowly it's becoming more real as I try to let my feelings catch up with facts.  But, I walked into Suite 130 to find out the facts.  I decided to deal with my feelings later, in the safety of my home.  I'm still sifting through the feelings, trying to identify exactly what they are. For now, all you get are facts.

First I met Bridget, the Nurse Navigator. I've talked with her several times on the phone and even talked with her while at work without knowing exactly who she was. But now her name has a face to go with it.  She is an invaluable resource.  Then I went back to have my vitals taken and some lab work done.  I was told this would be the way it would go for all my chemo treatments to follow.  Labs, meet with the doctor, then treatment.  The medical assistant was impressed with my low blood pressure given the situation I was in.  I chalk that up to all the prayers for peace.  When you ask for unexplainable peace, you get unexplainable peace.  Then she tried to draw some blood. I've learned over time that my veins are tiny, they are deep,and they roll. I'm a triple threat. The nurse also tried, then decided to use the port that was placed during surgery.  I'm quite appreciative for that little bump under my skin.  After several attempts and flushes and then finally having me stand up and lean forward, she was able to get the blood she needed. The nurse did an entry assessment and found what every other medical professional has been telling me:  I am in great health. Except for the cancer.

Then we met with the nurse practitioner, Mark. He asked me to tell my cancer story as I understood it. Turns out I've got a good handle on what's been happening this past month.  There is, however, a little confusion regarding the lymph nodes thanks to a pathology report that deviated from the norm.  But we're hoping that will be cleared up soon. He answered my questions. He went over the surgical and pathology reports. He answered some more questions.  He confirmed what I know, but am still trying to rationalize with myself; without chemotherapy and radiation, I most likely won't live to see Ella finish elementary school.   He gave me a run down on what some options for chemo would be based on all the information they had. Then he left for fifteen minutes or so to collaborate with Dr.Shanks. Then they both came back into room and laid it all out there.  I'm glad I'd left my feelings in the car, because the treatment schedule they were planning was even worse than I had been imagining.  I'd painted myself a picture of what the next 4-6 months would be and while I didn't like it, it wasn't horrible  With all the reading and googling I'd been doing, I had pieced together my own dream treatment plan.  When Dr. Shanks shared his thoughts on my treatment plan, I knew we were not on the same page. I was thinking of starting slow and gradual with the drugs that are mild and may even let me keep my hair.  He is thinking the opposite. As I sat there and listened to the cycles, the weeks and the months ahead filled with treatments, I tried so hard to not tune out, but I didn't want to listen anymore,  didn't want to be in that room.  We talked about fertility, when I would lose my hair, a possible clinical trial I could participate in, chemo side effects, possible start date, whether or not I'll be able to go to Arizona for Rick's brother's wedding, further testing and a chemo class that I have to take.  That's a lot of facts.

Today I go in for some more tests.  A CT scan to look for any areas the cancer may have traveled to via the lymph nodes that have cancer cells.  Then a MUGA scan to look at my heart to make sure that it is strong enough to handle the cancer drugs that can cause heart issues.

After that, my arm pillow and I are heading to Pam Hawley's for dessert! Hope to see some of you there!

P.S.  Thanks to all of you who prayed for me to sleep through the night last night.  Prayer works!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

An Update and Huge Thank You!

Today was the first day that I've been able to wake up after a full night and get out of bed without wincing in pain.  That's a good feeling compared to all the mornings that have come before since my surgery.

This past Wednesday I went for my followup appointment with Dr. Kadkhodayan.  She took out two of the four grenades,  it's easier to hide two than four!  She says everything is looking good, although there is one area of one the incisions that is struggling a little bit.  If it doesn't start healing a little faster, we may have to get it fixed.  I don't know exactly all that would entail, but I'm in no hurry for any more surgeries anytime soon! 

I am well cared for while I lounge around. Rick is quick to make sure I am comfortable and have everything I need in addition to draining the grenades. Gross.  He's also slipped back into the primary caregiver role for Ella that he assumed while out of work for those 6 months.  Ella loves her daddy. My mom has taken on some household tasks to help Rick and I out.  I am so appreciative for her.  I know it's not easy taking care of her house, GG's needs and appointments and now my needs and my house! You rock, mom!  Thank you to all of you who are supporting my parents so they are free to support Rick, Ella and me.  Jamie left to go back to Missouri yesterday. I enjoyed spending the week with her.  Mostly watching movies in bed as I healed and she gave her a knee a rest.  I hope to see her again soon! Love you, Jamie! Yesterday Ali drove back up to Minnesota for her Spring Break and I imagine there will be more movies.  Hopefully on the couch though, I'm ready for a change of scenery!  Even though I am feeling better, I am still quite limited in what I can do.  My range of motion is extremely limited. When Dr. Kadkhodayan was reminding me of my safe space to move my arms, I couldn't help but think of that scene from the movie, Hitch, where Will Smith is trying to teach Kevin James how to dance.  Oh, that makes me laugh.  And then laughing hurts so I have to find a pillow to hold. 

While in the hospital and the first week at home, I received some beautiful flowers! Thank you so much! Usually I am not a flower person, I think that money would be better spent elsewhere (like the time Rick sent me two dozen pink roses while I was away at college.  The florist sent me the receipt so I knew how much he had spent and told him if he wanted to spend money on me like that again, he could buy me shoes. And that's what he did!). But now being confined to our house, those bouquets are beautiful and I love looking at them. I'm now a flower person! They are starting to look a little droopy. Sad times. 

I am also being well fed!  Thanks to all you who have brought meals this past week.  We appreciate it so much.  The meals are delicious and such a blessing to us.  I can't lift a gallon of milk or reach to get a bowl, so having these meals prepared and delivered is HUGE!  Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you to all of those named and unnamed who have given so generously to the Team Borner Give Forward fund.  We are humbled and grateful.  The bills are starting to roll in and are so overwhelming as I start to panic and wonder how we are ever going to get out from under the cost of the diagnostic tests and surgery alone.  Not to mention chemo and everything that follows. Thanks so very much!

Two things I wanted to let you know about:
1) Sweet, sweet Pam Hawley is doing a Pampered Chef fundraiser, so if you're needing to add anything to your kitchen, now would be a great time! *Wink*

Join me for a Pampered Chef Dessert Night on Friday, March 22 at 7pm! I am having a fundraiser party for Melissa, a friend of mine who is battling breast cancer. I would love to have you join me for scrumptious desserts, see the new Spring Catalog, and help support her. As always, I have LOTS of products to give away! Bring a friend and stop by. I am so excited to see you all! The party is at my house in Woodbury. Let me know if you can make it, so I know how many yummy desserts to make! If you are unable to make it, but still want to support Melissa, look at our catalog/place an order here: www.pamperedchef.biz/pamhawley

2) My dear friend, Kara Bubar, is putting together a team for the Komen Race for the Cure on Mother's Day, May 12th.  I might consider walking the 1K.  Slowly.  Or just cheering all the runners on!

Please consider joining me and joining TEAM MELISSA as your register and walk/run the 1k or 5K in honor of Melissa Borner this Mother's Day, May 12, 2013 at the Race for the Cure. http://www.komenminnesota.org/Komen_Race_for_the_Cure_/Race_Information.htm

If you have any questions about either of these, let me know and I'll get you connected to the answer!

Tomorrow I will go in to meet with my Oncologist and his team.  I've been in contact with a Nurse Navigator from Cancer Care since just after I received the diagnosis.  I know it might still be a couple weeks before I am cleared by the surgeon to start chemotherapy, but I know this meeting will be good.  I'm finding at times that I feel myself take a deep breath and feel like it's almost over.  But it's not. It's just the beginning. The easy part, the surgery, is over and the real fight begins.  I am hoping to get some answers to some questions that have been rolling around in mind and get a good feel for what the next few months will look like. 

Hopefully I will be quicker with updates this time! I've updated to prayer requests as well. Thanks to all of you!

No Words

Thank you all for walking this journey with me. Thank you, Jerry Meras, for this:

 
"I placed this bracelet in the West Wall, the Wailing Wall, of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem along with a prayer for Melissa Borner. May God heal her, give her, and her family, strength and comfort. — with Brian Burquest at Old City, Jerusalem."
 
 
The bracelet says "Team Melissa" and on the back, "Psalm 61:2 God's Got This".  Vicki Allen had them made for all of you that are standing with me and family and supporting us with prayer as we walk this journey.  I couldn't do it without you!  If you want a bracelet to wear, or just as a reminder to pray, just let me know and I'll find a way to get it to you!  It's crazy to think about how many people are praying for me and my family from all over the world! 


Sunday, March 10, 2013

What I Remember

Hello everyone! I'm home from the hospital and resting. The combination of pain medication and muscle relaxers keeps me in a sleepy fog for most of the day. I will do my best to get this post up before I nod off.

Rick and I headed to the hospital a little after 5:00 am on Wednesday morning. I got checked in and headed to SAU. From that point on, medical providers were in and out of the room. I spelled my first and last name and gave my date of birth no less than a dozen times to no less than a dozen people. That many people also asked what procedures I was having done. I got to wear a paper gown that when connected to a tube circulated warm air. That was real nice! I also had my calves wrapped and every couple minutes they would compress and squeeze my calves...a mini massage!
Dr. Kadkhodayan came in with a Sharpie marker and measured and marked me all up. I kind of looked like a treasure map. Dr. Ogren came in and reviewed everything that she was would be doing, then the anesthesiologist popped in. He told me about the oxygen they would give and then the IV medication would put me to sleep. In all of my surgeries at Children's I was able to choose the flavor I wanted to smell in my oxygen mask as I drifted off. He said they don't do that here. They all initialed the surgery site and then I was wheeled down to the breast center where a fourth doctor injected me with a dye to make me radioactive (and to light up the lymph nodes that had cancer.) The nurse said I was radiant and glowing! Later, Dr. Ogren would use a Geiger counter to see where the dye had spread and whether or not the lymph nodes were affected. I would find out the next day that she had to take two of the lymph nodes since they had cancer in them, and out of the remaining nodes, they found cancer in seven of them. I was not happy with this bad news. Dr. Ogren reassured me that this wouldn't affect the treatment and that she had been anticipating lymph node involvement with the size of the cancer lump, but is still expecting a full recovery. I'm still going to pray that the cancer hasn't spread. I'll eventually have some kind of full body scan to see if any cancer cells have settled anywhere else.

The pre-op nurse was able to get my IV in on het first try! That made my day. All the doctors were in the room along with the nurse anestithist and the surgical nurse who were both breast cancer survivors, I said goodbye to Rick and my parents and was wheeled off into the OR. To my delight, the anesthesiologist humored me and brought in several flavors of lip balm to choose from for my oxygen mask. I drifted off into a deep sleep to a land that smelled like cotton candy.

My mom and dad waited with Rick. Once Dr. Ogren was finished, three hours into the surgery, she came out with an update. She told them about finding cancer in two of the lymph nodes and removing those. After another hour and a half, Dr. Kadkhodayan came out with her update and instructions for follow-up. Another two hours passed and they brought me to my room where I tried my hardest to keep fluids down. My family was sent running on more than one occasion for an emesis bag or zofran.

From there it was meeting new nurses, assessing my pain on a scale of one to ten, learning how to take care of the grenades that will be attached to me for the next month, and drifting in and out of sleep. I managed to stay awake for most of my visitors. Thanks to all of you for stopping by, for the flowers, the treats , the magazines and other gifts, and most of all, the prayers.

I had some great nurses and aides throughout my stay. One or two might need to rethink their career path, or we both met each other on not our best days. The day I left I was able to shower and that made for the best day ever! Dr. Kadkhodayan sent her nurse to do a wound check and to show me how to use some of my new gifts. I'll have an extra JP drain holder if anyone needs to replace theirs!

Rick and Ella are doing a great job of taking care of me. They've got a great system going. My mom and dad are also one step ahead of my needs. My sister, Ali, was here for a couple days and was able to just hang out. She gives really good massages. I will miss that, I mean her. I will miss her. Jamie is back in Minnesota now and she gives really good hand/foot massages. I feel bad accepting help from Jamie as she limps around with her mega knee brace, but am enjoying my time with her.

I spoke with Dr. Ogren today about the results from the pathology report. The actual size of the cancer lump was much larger than she had anticipated or what had been measured from the MRI. She reiterated what she had said earlier, that this isn't great news, but it doesn't change the course of treatment with chemo and radiation.

I'm still in that waiting phase. While I feel good knowing that the big cancer lump is out, knowing that there is still cancer in my body makes me a little anxious.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

A Wordless Week

I'm taking a couple minutes this morning to sit at Starbucks, enjoy a piece of lemon pound pound cake and sip on my grande non-fat, 170 degree white chocolate mocha with caramel, no foam, no whip. This place is quite busy this morning, so when my drink was called and I went up to get it, several heads turned to get a peek at who ordered THAT drink. I felt the need to clarify, "My beverage of choice may sound high maintenance, but I promise I am not!" Mornings likes this will be few and far between, so I'm going to enjoy it. Maybe even order another coffee!

I love all the emails I've been getting from you, my friends (and my parent's friends and my sister's friends). I am also noticing a trend. The emails fall into one of two categories: One, they are apologizing for taking up the time I have to use to read them. To that I say, Stop. It. Now. I love the emails with the bible verses, with the quotes, with the "I'm praying for you," with the selection from the book you've been reading, with the songs that are speaking to your hearts and perhaps might speak to mine as well. I need that encouragement and God uses each verse, each song, each word you send me via the interweb to meet me wherever I am at the time I read it. Following surgery I will have nothing but time and will be most likely be filling your inboxes. Thank you for your emails. I love them, I treasure them, I read them more than once. Don't ever feel like you're wasting my time. The second category of emails contains the following phrase. "How are you REALLY doing?" Obviously I need to work on my, "I'm doing great. How are you?" You all aren't buying it. So, when I really think about how I am REALLY doing, I am finding that I am really doing okay. I'm just weary from waiting. Things are still normal, but they're not. I have so many unanswered questions and so many things left unplanned. And I'm waiting. I'm trying to figure out how I am going to balance recovery and being a mom. It brought me back to when I knew that I couldn't be a great mom and a great teacher, so I had to make the decision to to just be a mom. I wish I could make that same decision now and not have to deal with surgery and chemo and everything that follows. I just want to be a mom. Although, Ella has been keeping a countdown. The adventurous spirit in her is looking for the next new adventure. This morning she made sure that I remembered my surgery is not tomorrow, but the next day. I remembered. I began to worry about how Ella will respond to everything that's going to be coming. I tried to assess what her prior knowledge of surgery and cancer is.

We have a cat. This cat was the runt of the litter and we brought it to our house just until it got a little bigger and could survive back on the farm. She was cute. Ella named her Miette, after a cat on a Barbie movie. The cat never left. It's still here. And we found out it's a boy. Ella renamed him Mietto Suave' Gato Borner. In preparation for surgery, I started flying through the list of tasks I wanted to get done before surgery, one of those items was a trip to the vet for this little kitty. He came back a little different after his surgery, a little less male. Once we told Ella that I would be having surgery, she went to the knowledge she had of surgery and asked Rick if I was having the same surgery as Mietto. No, Ella, I'm not getting fixed.

This attempt at a post has taken me four days to write. I'm not sure I can put words to all that is going through my head. I'm not sure I'm ready for everything that lies ahead. I've rearranged the house, stocked up on everything I can think of, and planned ahead for as much as I can, but I don't think you can ever be ready for something like this. So I will do all I know how to do, leave it all in the hands of the one who created me and planned out my days, the one who carries me through, taking my anxiety and leaving unexplainable peace. So, tomorrow. Surgery. 4 hours. A double mastectomy, lymph node biopsy, port placement for chemo and expanders placed to begin the reconstruction. What hasn't seemed real up to this point, is starting to seem real. It's been a month to the day since this all began and its been an emotional journey, trying to wrap my mind around what is happening. Tomorrow marks the start of the physical journey. All I can say is how thankful I am so have the support and prayers of so many people, literally, all over the world. Keep 'em coming...